Is it possible for a relationship to heal that has withstood emotional and/or physical abuse?
This question plagues me.
There are some counselors who refuse to take on any relationship that has undergone abuse, especially domestic violence. In their professional opinion some situations are truly irredeemable. The sooner the tie is cut the quicker the healing.
Then there are counselors who try to help a couple navigate the treacherous waters of recovering from breached bonds. To get from one shore to the other--imagine a boat that the couple is attempting to bail while being ferried around fast-moving ice flows in the dead of winter. It is akin to the young boys who were faced with the monumental task of transporting Washington's troops across the Delaware during one of the most critical junctures of the War for Independence.
Independence.
Isn't that what it is all about in the end?
Freedom.
The ability to determine the course of one's destiny.
This is why America goes crazy on the fourth with explosions of color that paint the sky with bravado and hope.
We loosed ourselves from the unholy bonds of England…we fought for our inalienable rights--and now look at us!
We are that trailblazing nation that sets the standard for the world.
Think of the noble anthems of Aaron Copeland--do we not embody the essence of the pioneering spirit?
And as the rest of the world looks at us--from those who have much, much is required.
Once a person is truly free from tyranny of any kind and sets a course for independence, establishing a new order based on the sanctity of human life, others look to them, especially those wrestling in their own chains. It is easy to both admire and even criticize the individual or nation that went through such terrible birth pains to acquire the amazing, rich life now lived. I am not surprised that America is a gate-keeper, the policeman of the world, the nation that sets the bar high, that will fight within its own borders as well as the world to protect the tenets of freedom.
As a person who, like a phoenix, is undergoing a radical transformation from a life of bondage to a life of genuine freedom, I already, even still in the birth canal, am experiencing the weight of the responsibility of my new life as well as its delicious freedom.
And once you are free you can never go back.
Once you are free you want others to be free.
Once you cut those bonds, hoist your own flag, and set off your fireworks--everyone wants your light.
So be careful to guard it even as you share it.
America and England are still allies all these years later…but America is the dominant force and can never be tyrannized again.
Can a marriage or a relationship of any kind truly heal from the wounds of abuse?
I believe so…in rare cases…but (and I emphasize the BUT), just be aware that the relationship will never be the same and the one that was once the doormat, taxed, tyrannized, and living in fear, will rise up and become a superpower. Even just the hint of prior abusive behavior and, like the bald eagle, the talons come out, the wings spread, and the keen eye turns to its prey.
This may sound melodramatic but it's true.
I know because I am that eagle.
And eagles do not do well in traps or cages of any kind.
They live in lonely crags, high up on mountains. They are rare creatures that rule the wilderness and coast on winds that buffet others.
They need to be near water and untrammeled places.
Sometimes they face the arrows and other seasons the olive branch.
Is it possible for a relationship to heal that has withstood emotional and/or physical abuse?
This question plagues me…
But it also does not consume me.
I am too busy flying.
